Dear Harper

Dear Harper,

Penny has two sister cousins: you and Dylan. You were the first girl born on both sides of the family, at exactly eight weeks to the day before Penny. Then 7 months later, Dylan was born, and Penny was sandwiched on both sides of the family by girls. Girls that were so close in age and bond that cousin wasn’t enough of a word to describe you all, so we coined you “sister cousins.”

When we found out about Dylan’s diagnosis, you visited us with Nana and Grandpa just a few days after. As I watched you and Penny play together, the emotions were nearly uncontrollable. It was simultaneous grief and joy as I felt the gut punch of Dylan’s death sentence but saw the happiness you brought to Penny. Three bright futures were suddenly diminished to just two.

As Dylan’s cancer continued to rob her of so much, I saw Penny learn to adapt. She would sit and play with Dylan, bring her things when Dylan’s legs didn’t work, and eventually completely play for her and put on a show for her when none of Dylan’s limbs worked. When we would get together with you, you and Penny would run off together so fast we barely got to say hi. You two are little mischief makers, whether it is getting into sprinkles and taking them to your bedroom or hiding with Nutella under the dining table. The play and freedom between you and Penny was and is so light, the way it should be. There was no underlying sickness, no elephant in the room. Just pure, innocent play. The way I wished Penny and Dylan could play, with freedom to roam.

And now, you are Penny’s only sister cousin here with us. What I want you to know is that I love you and am so thankful for you. It has been and will continue to be so bittersweet to watch you and Penny. I want you to know that you, Harper, are the sweet to the bitter. Watching you with Penny allows a piece of Dylan to live on for me and imagine what could have been and what should have been, as painful as it is that Dylan no longer gets that future. It allows me to daydream about everything Penny would have been doing with her too. Please know that when the tears come, as I know they will, while I watch you two, I have nothing but love for you. You bring us all such joy, and I look forward to watching you and Penny navigate life together.

Love,

Aunt Lindy